my apologies for being a person lost when everyone around is pretending to be found. i am the rock in the middle of the current. i am the current. i am the ocean it carries and moves. and i move. the world moves. we are ever interconnected. i am sorry i can stand in a crowd and feel alone but happy. because happiness is your own making. your creation. happiness is you. and if there is no you there is no happiness. like all things. if i am here. you are there. i can reach out and pull this string and the one the thousands the millions the billions of strings it is knotted to will come with me.
my apologies for not being that which you seek to find. i forgive myself. i forgive time. i collect time. i shift little slivers of seconds in my soothing sack. i practice words to say when i have saved up enough to finally see through. a sack of sliver seconds. adding up to a moment. one brief beautiful birth.
my apologies for being a person found when everyone will be lost. i am the crystal in the middle of the orbit. i am gravity. i am the wobble and the tilt. and i love. the world loves. we are ever interconnected. i am sorry i can fly in the clouds and feel surrounded but sorrowful. because sorrow is your own making. your creation. sorrow is you. and if there is no you there is no sorrow. like all matter. if i am there. you are here. i can pull back on our string and the billions the millions the thousands the one knotted string will come back to me. one by one by single knotted one.
written by Barbara Doduk September 26, 2005