Month: October 2002

words by barbara doduk

---

7.

and

the question wasn’t answered

and ended in a why

over the hill

into the valley cave

soft and sweet

lingering there

hovered

tasting the longing for more

and

angels sang above the window ledge

and held the stars in their place

formed the clouds

to set background

for morning red sun shining

over deep tanned skin of land

the tarnished life

seasoned weathered smiles

and

no more

or less was spoken

jumping off jagged cliffs

landing in the mind

confused over answers

that came from the wonder

of the beginning

the hope for no end

ever with a mirage of waves

washing the slick of me away

into the void dark pit

all without light

on the rim of it

and

time became aware

and ticked off its charming hand

the wings rushed to hide

when out of the fantasy I arrived

and the air roams without cause and aim

over the flush

the pink

the hue

of the flesh of him

over the meat of me

and

the end is open

to the various functions and flaws

questions without reasonable pause

quick and sure plead

all answered

dreaming the what

of the gut

to the pain

the gift

the mixed up matter and countless reminders

and

a mourning went

flushed away

lifting

drifting

drive

I have the memory of the longing

for the more of this

the detoured roads let travel begin

tarred black the sticky path

and

it repeats skips

and shoots the arrow bow over the tree

into the pulp cupid

and down it all goes in a psychedelic dream

ripping away the seams

and stitching back the remains

bone patching

the holes whole

with lip melting kisses

soft cheek caresses

so I can flower

and grow in the world garden

no more questions

just

here

I

go

---

words by barbara doduk

---

3.

and

melancholy flowers droop

vase edges

stuck on empty ledges

flowered

over bloom

the pedals weep

and bleed gloom

brown patch

purple glow of perfume stench

killed by love

and loving to be dead

in all the lies he said

and

winter washing in

over snow bleak bitter clouds

after the autumn rush

drags long way down

splinter needs

aspirations gleam

in Frosty’s coal eyes

carrot cake code

over the Grinch’s green grin of hate

kills me

eats at me

and

April springs new a rose

and love spreads

take another piece of me

over and fried

saturated in the sinking sickness

known

and unknown

puzzled over pieces not fitting

pictures

plod

questions quizzical

ramble

rustle

around my mind

and

embryo egg

hatching

new horizons

blue colliding kaleidoscope

dreams swirl over

the red simple

mislead tangle

dizzying ride

fantastic world of drug love

covering clover

grass grazing lows

high hills over the yellow valley parades below

and

there’s no light tunnelled in dark hallow ends

meeting the colossal universal worm hole

inside

outside

the timbers fall

crack

groan

mowed down

denim Jean flightless bird

patched blanket

tumble in the seeds

and

it lasts ever into dreams

flashing images

tattooed little memories

etched in flesh ink

black ribbon

like sun spot blindness

eclipsing me

leaving me alone

free

unrestrained

with the ends left loose

never spoken a good-bye,

---

words by barbara doduk

---

6.

and

with a rush

over the inside out

the point was made

without much more

and the fuss was to begin

with all that stuff

over who is who

and what owns what

and

the argumentative combat zone

sheltered edges

razors length

of cold shots fired at the armour shield

blood shed over the

who was feeling the what

and the when

of the where

of the how of it all

and

morning rose her ugly head

and spat out the death

the foetal nine month

mourning baby

cry

we all wept

an angle angel crossed her tightrope of stone

and my head went rolling off the block like queens

of loveless marriages

past

present

future dreams

and

then more came news of past infidelity

infertile mouse

trapped in his metal band without care

without thought

or judgement

left stale

plastic paled

the sunshine grew tall trees

with pathetic lies

and

final round bell dinged

over the fearless sound of tomorrow

the drowning file stuffed fat

with paper contradictions

overflowed

with some cash cow king sucking my life

draining me of soul

and leaving me empty

and

in end the buried fool

killed the clown himself

over the embers

the remaining lingering smoke

the end was here

and this was all I had left

a pale line outline

left-hand ring-finger,

---

words by barbara doduk

---

1.

twilight night of life born in love

divorced hate

family Twizzler stick chewed raw

green blue

blooming mistrust

infidelity lusty neighbour

married label

more questionable likeable friends

flowering fake fun

and

children playing

swing set disasters

and wagon running over little fingers

nails popping bloodied

scenes of laughter

horror rusty nail in little girl calf

stitch needled

fainting on doctor’s lollipop gift

red and sweet

hospital stomach pump remembrances

young little tearful fear

and

those days over the seventies

young soccer boy

the modern family happy

with dog

pool and toys

backyard barbecues

people smiling

merriment

friends continue the facade

the game of charades

and

the lies born on whispers

on accusation clouds

argumentative yells

and questionable reactions

thunder boom

love never lasts in the flash

of passions

fires

flame

she irresistible

other her heart broken

just a father token

and

this is life

this is it

all and all

over and in

no happy ever after

disturbing home life with spiders crawling

webs over the cob corners

stale dust

moving

up-rooting

six year-old day light dreams

and

they controlled the window views

they changed the channels

over the TV days

they were the grown ups

in this silly game

no choice but to follow

the aimless leaders

while they sucked the life out of the union

and

flowers dried

sparkled

shined and polished wood

canvas oiled dreams stored away

boxed

forgotten selves both lost

inside the unforgiving charms

childhood treasures

drifting message bottle lost

waves took to sea

oceans came washing over me

and

that was how mother

father

life for two kids

a boxer dog

house

family in seventy-nine time

limping over the embers and ashes

all that remained

at the fire pit blackened like a married grave,

---

words by barbara doduk

---

5.

and

blushing girls

smiling over the waste baskets

clinging to the record spinning

hanging off the tail

of the rat they called mine

or was it his

or theirs

or no ones in the end

and does it even really matter

to me any more

and

caressing sleeves

little pathetic moving moments

over candle wax

and soft sound

whimpered the words

with roses red and blooming

wined and liquored up

the love was easy

though the meaning never grasped

and well

just never mind

the ending life never hits repeat

the days never claim compensation

for lost time

the morning brings newness

freshness

clean scented

fruit filled hammock swings

and

no more trees growing here

inside the clear-cut

ravaging the green forest

mining the caves clear

resourceful sour petty cliques

hoarding red bloodied logs

damming up the flow of free thought

and

black clouds

lingering over horizon

golden set sunlight

over peaches

fuzzy navel beaches

with blue blanket

sand trapped

in the moon landscape ball

evergreen pastures

grazing fields filled with gloom

my lifeless marriage

holding the axe of impeding doom

and

the world spinning

all around it keeps close time

sandman bring me dreams of a better land

with dragons

fairy-tales that come true

and lollipops

cherry

wishful thinking

merry tight-wearing men

and

tomorrow is holding my fate

the key to unlock my hell

flames eat away the edges of sanity

and the end is always near

waiting just for the crack

the snap

breakdown nerves

and it’ll flood the channels

and end the suffering endured,

---

words by barbara doduk

---

4.

and

in a blizzard swirl of lights

like a hurricane blowing

around the sticky room

looking into the idiot grins

with eyes wide open

pupils dilated like big rim filled coffee mugs steaming

and

spinning quick then slow

the music garbled

belched a familiar melody my mind wrapped around

like a blanket of

rose thorny wool

steel rubbing me raw

and yet

the sofa was free

soft uncontaminated from fluff

laid about flopped to the side

and upside down

the World seeming somehow just slippery clean

as it devoured ingested

tossed me around the entrails

bloodless and pure

in the bowels of the Eclipse

and

morning always arrived like

an unwelcome hangover

hung over the rail

vomit dripping sour chunks of reality

looking for a bacon

egg and toast

grease breakfast

and

the blue eyed sky stared blank

while the World shit out the last of us

onto the gravel parking lot of life

and the stone rolled

as the burn was on

and the clouds blew me over

while annoying children pointed smirking fingers

and

howling with bitter laughter

at the wasted youth of an unloaded hand gun

wanting for the bullets

to shoot you down

but the stench of it all

was nostril curl and eyes watery bad

after all

the end was always around the corner

waiting for me there

and

as the funeral piled into the silver hatchback

heading back to the banquet

the morning rose into a summer day

and into fall

winter

spring

no conceptual birth

or baby body smearing over the sheets of time

this foetal mistrust of indignity rising

then grew without much thought

and then –

one blah day

in a rush of metal legs

and bone brittle brakes

I stopped

in a crush of bloody messed up

mashed up

smash

it came to a halt

the end was always asking for the lights to green for me

not amber

not red

that Sunday afternoon dinner time arrived

with a Royal guest chair empty

and

in a Columbia hospital mourning

over the sour sweet iron taste

I drank it down

and swam around the morphine pain

and ended all that was the full of me inside

then came to

like sprout from seed

to begin all over again

another me

and I was only then nineteen,

---

words by barbara doduk

---

2.

and

the empty years shifted gears

through the wasted youth

of stuffed bunnies

and losing teeth

roller-skating accidental wipe-out

fearful mother in her other life

green carpet grassed the TV days

baby-sitter blinked its big blue eye

over the livingroom hangout

and

more recluse

leaving behind

the windows open shut

closed the glass house

stoned holes

rocks shattered

blooming woman

young nubile limbs too long

lasting more on winter clouds

Christmas wrapping

tinfoil

and

interested boys

grabbing

reaching

for unattainable flowers

mourning the dead

living ghost

drifting in the shadow figures

black and cold

father confusing

far away big house

swimming in the dirty waters

tent up on the beach

bordering on the cigarette pack butts

my ashtrayed dreams

and

smoking fires

flame-less waste

on the water boat float

endless morning dew

grass blade heavy

fresh

summer sunrises

hanging out

midnight convenience store

stale beer

canned memory

over fruit loops

dripping ice cream

red wine

vomiting friend

the bus driver smiled

and the way wasn’t a set path out before us

and

more came went

and on to the new dawn

romance fantasy

of sleepless nights

long hallucinations

smoking weed

movie house alley

laughter bittersweet sympathy

beaten down

side splitting

best friend sharing

those Bill & Ted giggles

and

the day came in

rushing moment

silly girl lost the bloom

pedals fade

morgue body

on the limp lame tamed sky

words piled on top of all the world

shoulder weight

drowning deep

in the wonder youth of the me inside

and

innocence lost

drifting on the water waves

fishes bubbled

words on empty lip mouths

holding silent questions

without the less plus minus two

the end never justified the mean

and the gun

loaded the cannon

shot me out

and so there began the journey,

---